I'm writing a book. You have no idea what it feels like for me to even say that. I am enjoying it so far, even though it can be very frustrating at times, but it can bring out all the feelings of being a fraud, of not being good enough, educated enough, well connected enough, to have the audacity to attempt such a thing. I "should" be doing other, more responsible things, like figuring out what I'm going to survive on in my declining years. Or putting up curtains. Like I said, though, I'm enjoying it. Creative people rarely make decisions to do creative things based on logic. I never have. The results have been mixed. One time I got a 25 year career. Other times...crickets, as they say.

Earlier in the year I taught a little Celtic Studies series for some friends. As with the book, the research for that was surprisingly time-consuming, but also very enjoyable. It's exciting finding out things I didn't know that I didn't know. Following up on things I remember hearing about and discovering that some of them are actually useful, and knowing that I've got my facts right and ready to share with others. Sometimes it's frustrating. I don't have ready access to a big city library, and most of the books I need are British, but I'm in the US. I'm constantly banging my head against the paywall behind which so much academic research lies. I suspect I may be single-handedly keeping Amazon afloat.

Like with the Celtic Studies class, I get joy from helping people make sense of history or mythology, of the facts behind things which allows them make informed choices about their spiritual ideas. Celtic Studies is a tough area. It's an area which is defined as much by what we don't know as what we do. Even helping people to understand why there are things that aren't known, probably can never be known in many cases, is important. I like to think it might protect them, at least a little, from all the dodgy information that gets copied and recopied from cheap book to bad blog -- well, you know! I hope I can even do that in a way that feels friendly and accessible, rather than formidable.

My emotional life, my mood, isn't great a lot of the time. My usual spiritual practice is a bit patchy, too, and yet I feel incredibly close to the goddesses I most closely serve. And why wouldn't I? I'm writing about them. I'm writing for them. What a privilege! How exciting to immerse myself in topics I love! I was thinking the other day about an interview I heard, or read once, with Pagan historian Ronald Hutton. The interviewer was pressing him about his personal beliefs and practices, and his response was that, for him, study and writing, doing his best to set the record straight for his readers, was a kind of spiritual practice in itself. At the time, I thought that all sounded very dry, but it's beginning to make sense.

I am no Ronald Hutton. I wouldn't compare my level of scholarship to his, and anyway, my approach to my subject is different, but I see now how both research and writing can be deep work on a devotional level.

Oh, yes, I'm supposed to tell you what the book is about. I'm sure my friends and regular readers won't be all that surprised to hear that it's about the Celtic horse goddesses - Epona, Rhiannon and Macha. I'm attempting to draw together quite a few threads, including my personal experiences both with horses and goddesses, the "scholarly" information on them, and some bits of folklore, folk practice and philosophy that I believe are relevant. So that's a pretty tall order, I know, but I'll give it my best shot.

With the dark moon last night I thought I'd try some ritual. What I mostly like to do at the new moon is to be quiet and listen. To try not to be to verbal. To find a way to think that's not so verbal. To allow my mind to be enveloped in the quiet darkness.

I recently wandered into a nice thing on facebook called Sacred Rituals With Horse. I'm not sure how to describe it. A group run by two really lovely-spirited women who are encouraging others to join them in creating sacred space with horses in a very open ended way. There's often an animal communication component to what they do. They're very welcoming.

Of course, I'm in an odd space with this. I no longer have horses, and that is still painful. However, it seems that horses remain essential to my spiritual life. It feels natural that they are. I still feel strongly called to serve Epona and Rhiannon. (I am still exploring things with Macha.) Stephanie and Melissa, who lead the group, assure us that we can do this work without a horse necessarily being present. We can reach out to horses that we have known, or to the overarching spirit of the horse.

I was immediately attracted to that last idea, and for a couple of days I began to set my intention for last night. I am starting work on a book, and it is bringing a lot of questions to the surface. When we domesticated horses, did we simply enslave them, and build everything we had with them on anthropocentric ground? Or is it possible that there was true willingness, even joy, for them in that so-called partnership?

The evening wore on until I eventually tackled a couple of tasks I needed to be free of before I started the ritual. Then as I finally began to think about things, the poem that I've shared below came to my mind. So much for being non-verbal! So I got that out of my system and used it as a kind of statement of my intention. It was midnight before I started, but that's not really late for me, and it was dark and quiet.

I lay listening, being open for quite a long time. There were no burning bushes or great visions, but I felt that I did receive some impressions, wisdom, healing, reassurance -- and I will do this again. Even writing this now, I see some things I could do better next time. I won't wait for the next new moon. I will let this grow, and maybe do it again tonight. Try to get into a flow with it. I invite you to join me. Use the words below as a springboard, if it helps.

If you enjoyed this, you might also like The New Moon.

I'm always pleased to see a book about a horse goddess. Research on them can be frustrating and time consuming, so it's nice to have a collection of ideas and references in one place. Cook has gathered up quite a bit of the evidence relating to Epona in this book, including a few things readers won't have seen, or might not be expecting. His own fondness for Epona as a goddess also occasionally shines through in the more factual sections.